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A Scrutiny of Being Mean

I do not consider myself a mean person.  I tend to mind my P’s and Q’s and try to avoid cutting people off on the interstate.  But sometimes one wonders… Is life easier being mean?  Could Alexander the Great possibly have become Alexander the Beige of Heart if he was a little bit nicer to his mom and had worried about his neighbor’s feelings before hacking those branches along the property line?  Could being mean be beneficial to the average person?

He who said – sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me - probably had the crap kicked out of him right after being ridiculed for his horrendous haircut.  Being on the receiving end of an unfriendly altercation can be an unpleasant experience.  Wouldn’t it be more pleasant to be the giving, generous person who doles out the noogies and wet willies?  Any bully will tell you the best way to avoid being hurt is to beat them to the punch.  Meanness can be an excellent protection mechanism.  It hardens you to life’s ills while creating a wonderful cushion of “personal space” around you that some weaklings find impenetrable.

Some find the lone gunman approach to meanness to be, well, lonely.  For those who prefer a more social approach, it is possible to find groups of mean people who readily welcome those who truly understand them.  They sometimes have a hierarchy that takes a special social cunning to understand, and the first week could be tough as you fight to find your place within the pack.  But the initial difficulties may prove well worth it when you find yourself surrounded by friends who bite before they growl and offer a sense of protection from the infuriating intricacies inherent in the outside world of emotions.

But true meanness is more about what is withheld than what is dished out.  It’s the lack of sharing, the unwillingness to give to those around you, that truly separates a mean person from one that is merely apathetic or possibly a megalomaniac.  And if being mean is a little confusing, just default to the harmless version.  Sum it all up, divide, and smile.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish!

Well, we’re not actually leaving.  But we really DO appreciate the fish.

www.RoboHeart.com will be taking a short break while our lovely and talented NickQuest works on his various artistic endeavors and sings Kumbaya around a campfire with fellow artists at The MacDowell Colony.  But in the meantime please enjoy some Sean Connery in a mankini, courtesy of Nick.

So Brave, So Young, So Handsome

I have a confession to make : I have never seen a western movie. There, it’s out. No, I have never seen Unforgiven or Tombstone. I have never seen the American remake of Seven Samurai. I have never had the cinematic joy of vicariously riding off into an 8 mm sunset or tying a woman to train tracks. I don’t really know what kind of guns they had back then, and what was necessary to be the fastest gun in the west. To be honest, I don’t even know what was actually considered the west. I imagine it’s somewhere past the central time zone, sauntering in between mountain and surfer territory. I’m not sure why people actually chose to forego civilization and fend off bears, but I imagine that according to society’s rules prostitutes and priests followed shortly thereafter.

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Keep the bikers! Great zombie-bait!

Every zombie movie is a snowflake universe. They all have their own specific laws regarding their own specific zombie universe. Some of them have fast zombies that attack humans at a full gallop, broken legs and all. Some of them have slow zombies that count on each other, using a hyena tactic to overcome their human prey. There are some zombie-verses where brains are a delicacy, and some where it’s the only item on the menu. But regardless of which donut-shaped zombie universe you find yourself in, one thing is certain. You want to move like a running-back and not like a lineman And you never, ever want to open the door.

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Do Androids Laugh at Synthetic Banana Peels?

Everyone loves robots. How can you not? With those large mechanical LED Bambi eyes and cuddly exterior, it’s difficult not to feel a deep rooted protective love of our cyber friends.

Robotics has come a long way baby. We live in a world where robots are a part of our everyday lives. They make the gadgets we use and entertain adults and children alike. What we hope for advancement in (or secretly fear) are androids, robots created to seem “human” in the looks or actions. The progress is almost startling when considering robots like Asimo, or even simple chat programs like Cleverbot, the disturbing lovechild of a programmer and a perfect example of robot learning, gathering information from thousands of individual human interactions.

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Now We’re Thinking with Portals!

Well, hello there. Can you speak? Can you say “apple”? No? Well, let’s just jump through this portal and see what our soul says at the other end.

I see you enjoy playing with the funny physics of this world. Place two portals on the floor and toss a cube into there and watch it bounce out one, twirl in a graceful swimmer’s turn, and dive back into the portal to bounce out again. I also notice you like to place two portals on each of those parallel walls to look at yourself in an unending sequence of portals. You seem quite enthralled with your backside, watching yourself move around and shimmy from side to side. I wonder what Freud would say about that? And sometimes you enter the portal and stand there, frozen in space, unable to move forward or backwards. Is it fear that prevents you from moving forward? Or maybe it’s the comfort of being in the portal itself, a snug cocoon between the future and the not-so-distant past.

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Butterfly Memories

Recently I travelled back in podcast time and listened to an old episode of Radiolab that covered memory and forgetting. It may have been one of the most fascinating episodes I have listened to so far.

Human brains are incredibly fragile things. The other organs, such as the liver and heart, feel solid and strong. They are dense, rich collections of tissue that hold together firm like buckey-balls. But the brain, in contrast, is a very loose collection of neurons and gray goo, seemingly held together by magic. I had heard that the texture was similar to jello, so was quite surprised when I did feel one to find that it was much softer than expected. If it is like jello, it is like jello that is a few minutes shy of completing the firming process and is likely to fall apart in your hands if you try to pick it up. And somewhere in this crumbly wet mess that we call our brains is our soul. And our memories.

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A Negative and A Negative are POSITIVELY AWESOME

We are three dimensional beings. Just in case you weren’t sure. Everything we do, everything we understand, is in the squishy three dimensional world we understand in. The fourth dimension for current thinkers is a wibbly-wobbly concept of space-time. Human brains, unfortunately, are currently not equipped to experience the world in space-time.

We are three dimensional beings that use negative numbers. Cavemen did not have a need for negative numbers, and the fact that our brains can conceptualize it is quite remarkable. Natural numbers (positive whole numbers) were probably difficult enough for our ancestors to understand. But the idea of less than nothing? What a remarkable concept! I’m certain that our primate cousins could not only not understand negative numbers, but they probably could not understand why they would be needed at all. But being three dimensional beings, with enough brain power, a long lifespan, and the ability to build on previous knowledge, it seems inevitable when considered.

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Plop Plop Fizz Fizz

You are a conscientious person. You pay your taxes, and vote when it’s convenient and not raining. You always drop your empty soda cans in a blue bin and bundle newspaper with designer twine to set out on your curb for recycling day. You even bought a bike, intending to ride it to work. Think of all the greenhouse gas you can prevent by consuming a few extra calories as fuel for that bike ride instead of sitting in that gas guzzling monstrosity. In fact, you don’t even need to worry about the extra calories you need to consume, as you’ve been doing it for years in preparation.

But alas, there is one thing that you haven’t quite thought about while preparing your living will. How will you be buried? What is the most environmentally conscious way you can depart this earth, minimizing your carbon footprint at the critical moment of one week after your death?

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I do not want what I think I want

I want the future.  I want flash-bang twirly things with lots of glitter.  I want machines to tell me in a Kevin Spacey voice that they want to help me.  I want clean energy, allergy free cats, and a little umbrella in my coconut drinks.

I think I want a Roomba.  The Roomba is the future.  You place it down in a room, twirl your finger, and it vacuums your floors.  Just like that.  After it is done slaving away for you and avoiding the stairs, little Roomba spins around and makes it’s way back home to charge itself.  Because that’s what things do in the future, they work wirelessly and then charge themselves.  Contrary to what I want, I’m pricing Dyson Vacuum cleaners.  Even though the Dyson is more expensive, heavier, and – most importantly – I have to do the manual labor myself, I’ve started pricing Dyson’s.  And I’m not alone.  Everyone I know has a Dyson.  It doesn’t matter that the Roomba does everything everyone has ever said they have wanted in a vacuum.  They still go with the large machine that does more or less the same thing as the other large machine they already have, only it does it slightly better.

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